JR Moehringer (hereafter referred to as JR) relates what growing up poor, with a single mother in Manhasset, NY, bedroom community to Manhattan, and relying on the regulars at the local bar, Publicans, for the male role models, approbation, and life lessons he craves. When his mother couldn’t meet the bills, she relied on her parents’ house as the home of last resort, a short walk down the street from the bar. Since his mother had to work constantly, JR would be minded by his grandma, grandpa, or his Uncle Charlie, who was the evening bar tender at Publicans. One summer day, when JR is about eight years old, we meet the extended Publicans friendship circle, during a trip to Gilgo Beach—Colt, Joey D, and Bobo, all employees at Publicans. This begins JR’s lessons in life, sports, and masculinity, everything he ardently craved.

JR takes us through very personal, poignant memories, such as listening carefully to the radio stations, hoping to catch The Voice, his father’s voice, a dj on various NY area radio stations. JR relates how he would actually converse with his father’s voice, asking him questions, pretending that they were having a dialogue. It wasn’t until much later that his mother reluctantly disclosed their violent, abusive relationship, and how she scooped up JR and left his father to save both their lives. JR relates his extreme anxieties and compulsive worrying as a child, absorbing his mother’s financial stress, and feeling like a failure for not somehow alleviating her suffering, thinking that is what a good son should do. When his mother moves to Arizona in hopes of better work and lower cost of living, she sends JR back every summer to stay with her parents, knowing that much of his free time will be spent with Uncle Charlie and the extended male community of Publicans.

As the years pass we also meet Steve, the owner of Publicans, Cager, a Vietnam vet, and Bob the Cop, with whom JR shares books and teaches the love of reading. When JR’s dream of escaping poverty is realized upon his acceptance to Yale with full scholarship, he learns how his insufficient public education has failed to prepare him for the rigors of the Ivy League. While at a point of low self-esteem, he meets Sidney, a wealthy, beautiful, confident undergrad, and falls for her very hard. Sidney becomes his first real love, and JR learns about relationships and heart ache from her. We move through JR’s college years, his years at The New York Times, and beyond, ending the memoir after 9/11, as Manhasset loss 50 souls in that tragedy.

Filled with moments heart breaking, hilarious, sad, and tender, we can appreciate the soulful longings of a boy trying to become a man, with no father to teach him how. We learn, along with JR, that the most important role model of the qualities and values for a good life was with him all along, his mother who sacrificed everything for him. Excellent memoir, it reminded me of Mary Karr’s The Liars’ Club. Highly recommended.